Protocol.

I feel like this is a math equation, the hard kind.

2 people + 2 weeks(dating) - one family tragedy = ?

Or maybe a word problem. "Sally is dating a boy. Something bad happens in the boy's life. Sally hears about it from the boy's ex girlfriend. If Sally's heart is in the right place, how many apples does Sally have?"

Naturally I want to be there for him, but all I really know about him is what he does with his tongue when he kisses. And honestly, how good of a comforter am I anyway?

I show up to work no earlier than 9:05 now. My psychology professor would call that passive aggressive behavior.